,

Padres, madres, hijos y el chantaje

rey leon

Os lanzamos un tema que puede crear mucho debate. ¿Qué pensáis vosotr@s?

En muchas familias, suele ser algo frecuente el chantaje que hacen los niños a los padres. Es la forma más básica de acceder a conseguir lo que uno se propone, por eso es fácil ver estos comportamientos desde los primeros momentos en los que el niño empieza a formar parte de la vida.

El llanto, en los bebés, cumple la función de avisar y reclamar a sus cuidadores para que directamente le cubran sus necesidades básicas, ya que por sí solo no sería capaz. La “curación” (finalización) del llanto fortalece el vínculo entre el cuidador y el bebé, y refuerza la actitud del adulto, con el propósito conseguido de haber ayudado a su hijo a calmarse (callarse), por lo que esta actitud será repetida posteriormente con la siguiente premisa  “Si hago X dejará de llorar”  en vez de “si hago X,  le habré alimentado, le habré enseñado, le habré calmado…).

En las primeras fases del desarrollo se trata de no dejar al bebé en una situación de vulnerabilidad; sin embargo, cuando van creciendo y al cabo de aproximadamente un año ya se pueden apreciar conductas que posteriormente derivarán en chantaje. El niño sigue sin saber hablar y sólo puede conseguir cosas cuando llora o se queja, por tanto su mecanismo es el mismo, pero su capacidad cognitiva sigue desarrollándose. El niño ya no sólo llora para ser acunado, ahora lo hace también cuando se aburre o se le niega algo. Es una buena oportunidad para darles alternativas y cambiarles su estado emocional, normalmente desviándoles la atención a otras cosas, o simplemente teniendo claro que mientras les acompañemos en su llanto, les estamos enseñando a entender que a veces no se consigue lo que uno desea en el momento, les enseñamos a tolerar la frustración de una manera sana.

Según van creciendo, los padres suelen ceder al chantaje, por las ganancias secundarias que obtienen los adultos (el poco esfuerzo que hay que hacer para que se callen y “nos dejen en paz”). Ante insistencia por parte del niño, cedemos, en vez de mantener firme nuestra postura, lo que derivará en que el único aprendizaje que se llevan los niños es que a través del chantaje consiguen lo que quieren. Resaltamos la importancia de tener unas normas y límites claros, donde no se acceda al chantaje, aunque sí a la negociación si se considera oportuno y de cara a la adolescencia.

Como sabemos que no es tarea fácil, sí os proponemos que en ese momento de chantaje verbal o no verbal, podáis pararos y pensar qué es lo que consigo enseñarle si actúo de una manera u otra. Será entonces cuando estemos transmitiéndoles los valores que cada padre o madre quiera dejar en herencia a su hij@.

 

Laura Martín de la Plaza

Psicóloga de Educ-at

N°colegiada: M-28376

educatdah.com

/3.376 Comentarios/por
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